Many Rivers to Cross

Dear Friends and Family,

It is late on Friday night or early on Saturday morning, depending on how you view it, and I am feeling particularly feisty.  There are many factors that contribute to my current state of being, but the one that ultimately pervades all is the celebration of passing a bowel movement.  The last time this occasion happened was last Sunday, midday, and the building pressure was becoming almost too much to handle.  It was two days ago that I began taking things to expedite this process, such as laxatives and/or stool softeners, and just when I thought we would be headed for the last resort option (i.e. enema), the dam finally broke.  I have experienced a deep sense of relief and accomplishment that ranks up there with some of my greatest achievements.  It seems silly to think this once daily occurrence, that I most definitely took for granted, could become such a challenging task.  Surely the heavy use of opiates over the last week has not aided the cause of regular digestion, although to go five or more days is relatively extreme given the circumstances.

This is particularly good news for many reasons.  Not only can get myself up out of bed to use a bedside toilet, the movement also clears me for travel back to Whitefish.  I don't know if I will be leaving tomorrow (Saturday), but I am confident that if I do not leave tomorrow I will be leaving on Sunday for sure.  Another factor contributing to me feeling feisty is the amount of visitors in the last 48 hours.  Last night a beloved yogini and Anusara inspired teacher Bonnie Kiser, and her husband Scott, stopped by to see me, unexpectedly, en route to their vacation in the Florida Keys.  They were flying out of Spokane so they drove over to spend the night before their morning flight.  It was so wonderful to see both of them.  Bonnie is one of my favorite people to practice yoga with.  She embodies a balance of power and grace that is both beautiful and admirable.  She is almost always at the 3 hour practice in Polson and she is my favorite person to place my mat next to.  She reminded me how much my yoga practice will assist with my healing process, and how they are one in the same, more or less.  I was stunned at their surprise visit and very happy to be able to spend some time with them.  Here is a picture of the two of them:

An aptly named title for the journey ahead, there are many rivers to cross indeed.  I reached a critical point earlier today that challenged my will and attitude towards this whole experience of healing.    It was probably the first time I actually felt like crying, frustration bubbling up through my being, the pain of my condition began to take hold.  Its not like the pain has worsened; in fact, its only gotten better over time.  Nor has my mobility been stagnant, as the movements have been my greatest inspiration to be able to view my progress over time.  What it is has to do with; however, is the pressure beginning to take hold, threatening to strangle my attitude as well as my approach to this entire process.  A major part of this pressure building was the activities currently taking place at the Restaurant, that I will now share with you.

Yesterday morning (Thursday) I received a call from my Sous Chef indicating that the nerves in his back have seized up so much, that he was headed to see a doctor.  He could barely walk and was struggling with severe pain, both crippling and debilitating.   The irony here is that his hips and his back have been a source of pain for some time now, the same major ailments that plague my current condition.  So after his visit with the doctor he would need to be off his feet for a minimum of 4 days, with the outlook closer to 5-7 days.  Here we are heading into our second busiest weekend of the season (outside of Xmas/New Years stretch), due to the fact that its President's Day weekend, and the Sous Chef would be unavailable.  So we went with our next option, one of my lead line cooks, who is essentially the number three guy (behind me and my sous).

So I spent a good portion of the day yesterday communicating with my number four cook to figure out what condition the Restaurant is in.  Since we change the menu nightly, it was imperative I got a full assessment of how much product we had on hand, current menu items, available staff, sauces, prep lists, etc..  Basically I had to operate the kitchen from my hospital bed in Spokane with only a telephone to communicate what needed to happen.  My number three guy was also feeling very ill due to a stomach virus.  After about 4-5 hours of working with my cooks, ensuring product was ordered for the weekend, designing a menu that could be easily executed while utilizing perishable goods, and just overall planning the evening as if I would be there but am not, I somehow managed to set the kitchen crew up for success.  It was a difficult evening for them, although from the sound of it everything went fairly well considering the circumstances. 

And that was Thursday.  And it wore me out having to shift my focus from healing to managing the Restaurant.  None-the-less its part of what I do everyday when we are open, so the concept was not foreign to me.  Being severely injured, with limited mobility, and having hospital staff in and out of the room wanting to run tests and check in on all kinds of things was foreign to me though, and made for a very eventful day.  I'll spare the details, but lets just say I was extremely busy balancing everything from the bed.

And then there was today.  So if it was hard yesterday, my task was doubled today when I found out my number three guy is so sick from the stomach flu that he would likely not be able to work.  It is situations like these when the thought of actually closing the Restaurant comes into play.  Even though it is a last resort, I live by the philosophy that failure is not an option.  And closing the Restaurant, on one of the busiest weekends of the year, seemed like failure.  Part of what I have been trying to maintain is the level and quality at which the Restaurant has become famous for operating at.  I want to clearly send a message through the staff and local community that despite me being in a hospital, the Restaurant is still operating "business as usual".  I am still very much involved in what is taking place there, even though so many that are close to me suggest I let it go.  But that is not an option right now, with the reputation of all of our hard work and energy at stake, considering the back of the house staff is depleted like the peace in Egypt.

The whole idea is that none of our guests would notice the difference of me not being there.  I have worked extremely hard, as have my staff, over the last few months, to ensure the continuity of the program and that our mission remains intact whether I am cooking at the Restaurant or not.  Ever since my accident this idea has been spotlighted, and now the last few days it has been amplified.

So with the news this morning I began placing phone calls to various people I knew could handle the daunting task of working a challenging station, our Saute position, to fill in for this emergency situation.  Knowing I had my number four, five, and six guys available to maintain their roles, I needed someone that could fill in.  My first three choices were unavailable, and I went with a friend of mine who used to be a sous chef for me about 5 years ago.  It took a major adjustment and reduction of the menu in order to make this even remotely possible.  I did what I could do from my hospital bed and communicated with my back of the house staff the best I could, arranging them to be able to execute the menu with essentially a brand new person in the kitchen (a lot has changed in five years).  From 11am PST to 5:30pm PST, I was on the phone, either with my friend who volunteered his services, my dining room manager/sommelier, my number four guy, our on speakerphone with the entire kitchen crew managing prep lists and delegating tasks so that we would be prepared.  The doors to the Restaurant open at 5:30pm MST, and I was still on the phone giving directions on how the night would take place, right up until the first few orders came through the kitchen. 

We did the best we could.  I gave it all I had.  I don't know if it was enough or not, but in the end it had to be.  In talking with my number four guy after service, he said it was busy and crazy but that we pulled through and made it happen.  I was too exhausted to probe any further and get full feedback on the night from my front of the house crew.  I am guessing it was as good as it could have been.  No news is generally good news.  I am anxious to find out the results tomorrow when I have more energy to review the evening.  Funny thing is tomorrow night (Saturday) is going to be the peak of the weekend with the busiest evening yet.

So we are back at square one, more or less, with regards to tomorrow.  It will be another tremendous challenge, but we will do what we always do, which is just enough to survive.  In this business, as long as the show goes on out front to the diners, it matters not the craziness that takes place backstage.  It is very similar to a theater production, the audience will only see what takes place on stage.  Thankfully the front of the house staff is both talented and experienced, and they also are fully in tact.  Although I wouldn't be surprised if something happened to one of them before tomorrow's shift at the rate things are going.

My number three guy should be available, giving the back of the house staff and added boost, and I will likely spend another 3-4 hours on the phone tomorrow directing traffic from my bed.  These are all duties my sous chef would normally perform, so with him being out it is up to me to conduct the crew.  I hope you can now see why I felt like cracking and folding under all the intense pressure that existed today.

They say diamonds and other precious gems are made this way, from intense pressure and heat.  I have always believed that the harder the challenge, the sweeter the success.  Life is unique in that way and I look forward to tasting the nectar of delight following this enduring phase.

I would finally like to share another story about an unexpected visit today from Jenni Fallein and her husband Roger.  She too is a yogini and a teacher, yet she is also an amazing musician.  I've had the pleasure and honor to attend some of her Kirtan's in the past and she is absolutely incredible.  You could imagine my surprise when they walked through the door.  Here is a picture of them:

Later in the day, when my family was gone, I was off the phone, and the pressure was mounting to that critical point, what saved me was a chant that Jenni normally includes in her Kirtan.  Because of her visit I was reminded that I have these mantras available to me, it was through this healing sound that I was able to reconnect with the energy that has got me this far.  The chant is:

jaya ganesha, jaya ganesha, jaya ganesha pahiman
sri ganesha, sri ganesha, sri ganesha rakshaman

I sang this over and over.  The healing properties are beyond wisdom, thought, and medicine.  Ganesh is the remover of obstacles.  I have no doubt that this greatly aided in my ability to pass the bowel movement.  I also have no doubt that moving forward, the breath and mantras will assist me with crossing the many rivers that are still flowing.

Oh, and finally, for the second year in a row, I was nominated as "Best Chef in the NW region" by the James Beard Award Foundation!!!